{/profile --

ramblings of a teenage girl

So Im skipping school todays. I just dont feel like going.

The retarded thing is that its mandatory to go to school today because its a career fair thing. And Im not going. I need some time to relax. I have been able to be myself lately and its getting on my nerves.

I dont want to be judged on how I act on the internet. Its only the internet, you can act however you want. Everyone has their fake characters. And each one of us has masks on since we dont show anyone who we truly are.
Wow. How come it hurts soo much. I hate being put down. Even though I cant express my feelings. Doesnt mean you keep hateiin' on me till I break apart. I realy dont like this. I want to move to some place far away. Some place no one knows me, I want to start over. I want a fresh life. I dont like the life that I am currently living in. You just keep hanging on and your not letting go. Its like you want to make sure I dont take a step further in my path. I want to determine my path but theres an obstacle that I cant get rid of. If I would be able to turn back time, Id take my new life in a new place. The people that Im usually with, they dont know when to stop playin'. They frequently test my limits and it aint fun. I tell them over and over again to stop but its like my voice doesnt reach them. I want to shout and scream but my voice... it just doesnt come out. They cant even see if im happy or not all they usually care about is haviing their own way of fun. And that definition, to my point of view is fucked. Like if they want to have fun, do something else instead of making someone elses life miserable. I think this knife thats in my heart is gradually getting bigger, to the point where I find it hard to breath. Im at the point where I can actually die. They really want me to cry dont they. Maybe if they knew what I fucking dealt with everyday then maybe they would try to understand. They probably dont even no the fact that they hurt me soo much. But they dont, they assume all these things which makes it even hard to open up. Im stressing my life soo much. Theres no one I trust since everyone is soo fuckiing two faced. The smile that I put up everyday is a show. I only pretend to be happy cause' I dont want any questions asked, and if they are asked I wouldnt even know how to answer them.They should begin to think more. They need to learn. I want to tell them but I cant find the coourage shit inside of me. On the inside of me right now is a fuckiin huge mess. I really need to go get examined.

The stronger the person on the outside the weaker and more fragile the person is on the inside.

Its quite unbelievable this liking has turned onto a different stage. :O. Everytime that I see him I blush soo hard. Its soo embarassing. Not cool. What a hard life. -_- I dont like this at all. Once our eyes meet, I run because everytime I see him I feel like Im starting to catch a fever. Then I get home and burry my head into my pillow because of the embarassment. NUUuu. I wish it wasnt cold out right now. I want to be able to see the stars maybe that would be able to relax me. wow. Boy yyou gots me tripiin' danng. Once I start thinking about him again. MAng I smile and begin to laugh like a fucking retard.
I really have fallen for him. I cant actually believe it. A one-sided thing. ~Ayeish. I hate this feeling. I dont want this feeling lingering around my heart. Its too hard to deal with. And I cant take it anymore. Im tired. Im not in the right shape to deal with my own problems right now. This feeling has made me sick and ill. I dont even know what Im suppose to do. I want to be able to control the way I feel. But everytime I doubt this feeling it gradually gets harder and harder to run away. Love is like a double-edged sword. It either kills you or learns to love with you. I didnt know that I actually loved him until it was too late. I wish that I knew early, maybe that would have been a love that might have lasted forever. But the chance of me telling him even if I did know was a big 0. I dont even have the courage to speak in front of my class. So how can I get the courage to tell the guy that I like him? Im such a useless coward. ( I wish to have courage ). I saw a shooting star on this day 3 years ago. I made a wish. And I met him the next day. It was kind of coincidental. I didnt expect it. Its something that still gives me goosebumops today.

Everything is going all oh so wrong. I dont like the way the path of my life is leading to. The path is gradually getting darker and scarier. If I keep walking I dont know how long Im going to last. The chances of me getting through this is 0.00000001%. T_T. Not something to be prooud of. Its too hard. I might give up. Until I may find my reason to continue my walk of life. *sigh*


I really know my heart is hurt right now. Its cut into tiny bits. And there is no way of fixing it. There are too many parts missing. That its impossible. And slowly my heart is becoming cold. Its freezing. Theres no way you can melt a heart that will probably be frozen like the tip of Mt.Everest. But its only expected.


Its time for me to take my leave. Nights.
Why do people even want me to talk to them. Even when I do talk to them, I don't feel like I can open up towards them. I don't want to. I've been hurt too much. It's to hard on me.


I have a new role model. Tooo. XD.
So far it's:
-Tabi
-Bong
-J.Reyez


The list probably goes on. They influenced me soo much. Just by listening to the lyrics of their songs. It's deep. The dream I had and have it will continue on forever. Then on until I has come true. Then maybe I can be happy.

Im tired of everything though. I don't know what to do. Even though these artists' have really influenced my life. I still don't know what to do.
My cousin and auntie just came to Canada. All the way from Austrailia. I don't even know why I'm so hyped up. And I'vee been really tired for the past few days I can't the word exhausted.I should sleep soon. I guess theres nothing else that happened yet. Nothing that I can remember right now.


I might pursure the dream to be a songwriter. There are soo many people in the world that have influenced me. I was told the first step was just write. It can be anything. Thanks to you. I might never be able to thank yous enough for getting me this influenced. But I doubt anyone will sing the songs I write.. If I write songs I wish one for my songs to be sung by someone. XD. I just want to be remembered. I should practice my vocals just in case that day comes. Since I have a really low voice (to me), one day I will make sure I pursue this dream. :D


Tabi + Bong are <3333333


I got to see him today and I can't even stop smiling. I act like a retard ever time I do. It's like if I could love him, I'd love him till I die. I swear to God. Since he makes me feel this way. It's unbelievable. :O. Quite sad >.>
maybe for my career i can try song writiing<3. xD. I dont know choosing one definite career is too hard.


Ever person i meet is from mississuagi and by just seeing that town brings back memories that were once forgotten.

{/idk what goes here --

i think they call it freedom of speech

{/clicky --

say hi or something

{/archives --

watch me waste my life away

{/credits --

{/miscellaneous --

my virtual barang